Unprecedented Times: Bards in Lockdown
Vanessa Horton – 6th Bard of Stony Stratford
Working from home during lockdown
I’m following all the best adviceAbout sticking to routineGetting up at 7 O’clock
And keeping neat and clean. Sitting at an office desk
With laptop and with phone
I’ve cracked it, I’m an expert now
At this Working from my Home
Yes: I’m doing my bit, not losing my shit, I’m doing my work from home.
I’ve learned to Webex, Skype and ZoomI’ve learned to shop on line
I’ve faced timed with my manager
And sent reports in all on time
I wear my office clothes And I keep my office hours
I’m sipping ginseng often
To maintain my mental powers
Yes: I’m doing my bit, not losing my shit, I’m doing my work from home.
I watched a little tele
But only for a while
I’m sure my boss won’t mind
Me spending time with Jeremy Kyle
And then I watched Loose Women
But I promise it was lunchtime
I’ll make the hours up later
I’m sure that will be fine
Yes: I’m doing my bit, not losing my shit, I’m doing my work from home.
Not getting up so early now
I mean really what’s the point
I’ll get up soon I promise
When I’ve finished with this joint
I don’t see the point in showering
No one’s here to smell me
And if I stink, who cares?
There’s no one here to tell me
Yes: I’m still doing my bit, not losing my shit, I’m doing my work from home.
I haven’t brushed my hair for daysI haven’t shaved my pits
I haven’t worn a bra for weeksStandards lowered with my tits
I can’t be bothered cooking
I sneak food from neighbours’ bins
But still I’m putting on the weight
My double chin’s got chins!
But: I’m doing my bit, not losing my shit, I’m doing my work from home.
And ever since I forgot to end
The video from last week’s call
My boss keeps checking up on me
He has no trust in me at all
Just because I thought he’d gone
And I did a naked twerk
He seems to think (erroneously)
That I’m not doing my work
Still, I’m doing my bit, not losing my shit, I’m doing my work from home.
The nearest thing to sex I’ve hadIs the Thursday evening clap Though I missed it this week sadly As I was having an evening napMaybe I’ll honour them later
With a gratitude masturbate
Well social distancing has put paid
To any other form of date
Refrain: I’m doing my bit, not losing my shit, I’m doing my work from home.
Anyway, I’d better get back to work I’m on a final warning
I need to be professional
Stop picking my nose and yawning I do not want to be furloughed
Or lose this cushy job
I like my boss, though others
Tend to think that he’s a nob
Excuse me I must go, I need to answer thisBoris Johnson’s secretary, how may I assist?
